Couple Therapy For Abusive Relationships

Everywhere we hear: “How to recognize toxic relationships?”, “The main signs of toxicity.”

But what relationships are considered destructive or abusive? What does it mean? Let’s find out in this article. According to psychologists, unhealthy relationships are those in which partners do not respect and support each other. When one person seeks to humiliate, arouse guilt, suppress another; the couple lives in constant competition.

In any relationship, there are ups and downs, quarrels, and conflicts. But if most of the time you do not feel joy, feel exhausted, devastated, and depressed – this is a sign of toxicity. In a healthy relationship, there is support, help, and participation of partners in each other’s lives. Criticism, jealousy, guilt, and absolute control are inappropriate. Destructive relationships hint at psychological pressure, physical and emotional violence from a partner. And this may cause you to think: “Ok, I probably need to find good counselling near me to deal with my relationship. And this too would be totally normal.

Why Do Relationships Become Abusive?

If it immediately seems that you have met the love of a lifetime, without even knowing the person, you have a tendency to emotional dependence. It often occurs when there are repressed emotions and when there is a lack of self-love. People with emotional dependence are completely dissolved in a partner, adore him, consider him an idol. All life revolves around this man. It is the cause of happiness, joy, inspiration, good or bad mood.

There can be several reasons why people become toxic. Subconscious desire to manipulate, a negative experience when there was already a persecutor in life. The position of the victim, children’s injuries are associated with a lack of loving upbringing. Various mental disorders: depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder. Toxic relationships can be due to the incompatibility of partners. For example, everyone in the couple strives for total control. Or because a person is an abuser, shows the cruelty and emotional violence.

Signs Of Toxic Relationships

You often feel unhappy

Difficulties in relationships happen to everyone. But if you are most unhappy, afraid, hurt, and resentful – think about it, did you dream about it?

Relationships awaken in you the worst qualities

In a healthy relationship, you want to develop and grow, you are inspired and motivated. But if you feel a lack of strength and energy, all your attention is focused on the partner – this relationship pulls you down, they have no balance. Disruptions, scandals, frequent conflicts, the silence of problems – this indicates toxicity.

Jealousy

This feeling has nothing to do with love. It speaks of the desire for control, distrust, and insecurity of the partner. A jealous person perceives the other half as something to watch out for. The key to a healthy relationship is trust, openness, and unity.

Constant control

The partner regularly asks where you are. Of course, this can be seen as a concern, but when it does not cross personal boundaries. If you do not respond immediately to the message, this may lead to a quarrel. Such signs indicate controlling behaviour.

Insults

When your partner or you cling to past insults, you regularly reproach each other, which negatively affects intimate and romantic relationships.

Is It Possible To Fix The Situation In The Relationship?

It is possible to turn an abusive relationship into a healthy one, but it takes time, energy, and the desire to work on yourself. In some cases, psychological support and assistance will be needed.

Be aware of your behaviour

The first step to solving a problem is to understand what it is. Stop blaming others for your behaviour, take responsibility for your life. Just apologizing is not enough, it is important to recognize that your model of behaviour is toxic.

Look for a way out together

Unhealthy relationships are characterized by cyclicality. It is characterized by attacks, accusations, criticism, and constant demands on the partner. If you notice such components, say so openly and calmly. Do not blame but try to find a common solution and solution. If your partner refuses to admit his behaviour and ignores your requests – think about whether such a relationship is needed.

Talk about problems

Don’t keep quiet about unpleasant situations and don’t be afraid to say things that don’t suit you. If a person loves – he will make every effort to correct behaviour. Healthy relationships are about openness, honesty, relaxation. Where everyone can safely talk about their feelings and experiences.

When Is The Time To Leave?

No one but you will find a better time and time to get out of a toxic relationship. It’s not easy to do, feelings are confused, you are emotionally attached to the person. Therefore, in every way you try to change the unpleasant pattern of behaviour to maintain the relationship. But there are cases when there is no more strength and energy to try. The internal resource is so depleted that it is now much more important not to lose yourself in another person than to keep in touch with a partner.

Getting out of a toxic relationship requires awareness and courage. This experience can change your perception of a happy and harmonious romantic relationship. Don’t expect life to change for the better in an instant. It will take time to recover and regain a sense of dignity, confidence, and trust. Do not transfer negative past experiences to new relationships. Immediately delineate personal boundaries and always put yourself and your self-esteem first. Not ignoring, of course, the feelings of a partner. Balance is important in relationships.

Some Additional Tips For Those Who Is Getting Out Of Such Relationship

1. Don’t ignore reality, but live “here and now”. Don’t think that the person who poisons your life realizes that he is doing bad things, will change soon, will start to treat you with respect, etc. Learn to objectively assess what is happening and draw appropriate conclusions.
2. Take into account your own emotions. As soon as you start living the present moment, you will face problems that have accumulated. Don’t ignore them and do not procrastinate but look for solutions that are acceptable to you.
3. Don’t be a categorical person and not inflate the situation. No matter how toxic your relationship is, you need to understand that it’s up to you. Some people manage to get rid of a poisonous relationship in a matter of minutes, while others need years and decades. The sooner you start to solve this issue, the sooner you will regain your mental balance and inner peace.
4. Take care of yourself. You should stop pitying the person who negatively affects you and begin to develop self-compassion. Do not be like a toxic person and do not criticize yourself, because there are no perfect people. If an aggressive action hurts you emotionally, promise yourself that you will try not to do it again.
5. Focus on your interests. As soon as you meet a toxic person again, tell yourself that he has no power over you. Only you have the right to decide exactly how you react to certain negative words addressed to you.
6. Start keeping a diary or video blog. Every time you feel stressed and anxious after communicating with a person sending your life, open a diary or turn on the camera. Express in writing or orally everything that worries you. Don’t be afraid to focus on your emotions, not your partner’s feelings. This way you will be able to calm down faster and put your thoughts in order.
7. Tune in to the fact that you will have to go through a difficult period. It is very difficult to get out of a toxic relationship. So, it is not surprising that you will feel a lot of negative and tear your heart to pieces. Don’t ignore these emotions, just try to experience them. It will get much easier for you over time.
8. Determine what you will lose if you break off a toxic relationship. Many victims of toxic relationships think that if they break an unhealthy relationship, they will lose something very valuable and important to them. Often it is just a fantasy or illusion imposed on you by a toxic person. You do not lose anything, but give yourself the opportunity to make your life happier and better.
9. Make a list. In this list, indicate the principles that you are not going to violate. Write that you will not argue and quarrel with a person who has had a good drink before. You will not sleep in the same bed with a man who is rude to you and insults you. You will not communicate with a friend who is morally depressing, etc.